Group Storytelling and Book Discussions

Jeffrey is a friend of mine.  We’ve been able to hang out a little bit this year doing some hunting, going to a Ron Paul event, and working on our kids’ pinewood derby cars.  Each of those outings was fun in itself, but the icing on top is hanging out with a guy like Jeffrey who is always looking to better himself and the world around him.

Often, Jeffrey makes a comment or asks a question that sticks in my head until I work out an answer.  I’m always better off for it, and this is one of the things that make Jeffrey so likeable for me.

An ongoing conversation between us is how to have meaningful discussions with our kids about books we read or other important topics.  I think dads, more often than our wives, struggle with getting our kids to open up and speak freely about their thoughts.  I’ve felt this, and Jeffrey shared the same concern.  We’ve talked quite a bit about what we can do to have better discussions.

We don’t have all the answers, but we find hope that being engaged in the process is the right move, and we’ll get better with time.  The first discussions are bound to be rough, because we’re new at it.  Like any other activity, proficiency follows dedicated practice.

Yesterday, the kids and I were goofing around making up a story together.  It dawned on me today how effective our play was in practicing skills necessary to having a good discussion.  There are several ways to play the game, but yesterday it went like this:  I started a sentence and stopped before the sentence was complete.  I stopped at a point where the sentence was still open-ended, that way the kid I pointed at could finish the sentence.  Then I would roll with whatever was said and start the next sentence.  Sometimes all I would add was, “and then….” and let the next kid run with it.  The kids had fun with it.  Each one of them participated, even Faythe.  This is roughly how the story went:

Dad: Once upon a _________

Corbin: TIME!

Dad: There was a _________

Braedi: Dragon.

Dad: The dragon loved to eat __________

Dyllan: Fish, no, wait… cows!

Dad: The dragon was super hungry and went into the forest where he found ____________

Faythe: a dragonfly.

Dad: And the dragon _________

Ephram:  ate the dragonfly!

Dad: And the dragonfly _________

Corbin: was stuck in the dragon’s belly.

Dad: where ___________

Ephram: he found a mouse.

Dad: and_________

Someone: they played cards.

Dad: Meanwhile, the dragon_____________

Faythe: saw a bumblebee

Dad: and the dragon____________

Braedi: KISSED IT ON THE LIPS!!!!

(Now all the kids are cracking up.)

Dad: And then_______________

Ephram: they fell in love, because they kissed on the lips.

Dad: And what happened to the dragonfly?

Dyllan:  Oh, they forgot about him, because they were in love.

Dad: And________________

Most of the kids in unison: THE END!

Granted, it’s a silly story.  The plot is disjointed and isn’t very meaningful; however, every one of my kids participated with excitement.  This is a big deal.  Often, when they feel like they’re being asked to offer an answer they clam up.  Two reasons I see for them shutting down are: they fear giving a wrong answer, and they feel silly or vulnerable exposing their thoughts in front of others.

The open-ended group story is effective, because it bypasses these fears and offers a fun, light-hearted environment in which the kids feel safe to share their creativity. 

When we lay down some ground rules about taking turns and not trying to change or undo what another person has added, it also teaches them to work with other people’s contributions.  Teamwork is always important in sibling relationships and in any group wanting to have a meaningful conversation.

            But here’s where the exercise gets golden.  It’s mainly an opportunity for us dads to learn skills we need.  The ground rules we set apply to us too, which makes it easier to curtail our “dad drive” that tells us to take over and lecture.  It also gives us an opportunity to see that our kids are creative and fun and they have great ideas.  Finally, just like our kids, we learn how to work with comments that seem off the wall to us at first.  Mutual respect and give-and-take are very important in cultivating an environment of trust.  Trust is imperative to a good discussion with our kids.  Without it, they will not open their hearts to us, and we both miss out.

          In conclusion, I think everyone should give this a try.  You can do it in the car, at the dinner table, during home evening, or any other time.  Just loosen up and have some fun with it, and you’ll be amazed at how much you can learn about your kids and how much they will open up when they feel trust and are having fun.  Then transition the lessons you learn into other discussions you have with your kids.  I think they will flow better, and they will probably be more meaningful.

Feel free to let me know if this works for you.  I wrote this on a whim today, but I think it will help some of us.